Some birthday, be strong and say a prayer

(We all joked that Porter was mainly upset that they put pink bandages on him)
I'll post more about Caleb's really awesome birthday later. Porter is sick. Very sick. Wednesday he had a fever. It is getting worse and worse. He went to the Dr yesterday and he thought it was viral and to watch Porter. Well last night it reached 106. So instead of an awesome party we ended up going to Urgent Care, then the hospital for blood work. It was a looooooooooooong night to say the least. A certain protein in Porter's blood is moderately elevated but not high enough to start medicine. I just recently read a blog link of a friend of mine who had lost their baby suddenly. I read that blog and bawled my eyes out. And then I though I could never, not ever recover from losing my baby. Last night was scary. I thought: "ok, Heavenly Father won't let anything happen to him." and then I thought: "Heavenly Father is not a respecter of persons and if it happened to that family it could happen to me". And my last thought and plead was "Please let me die and save him." Caleb held Porter while they took his little blood and he cried and cried. I turned away and cried and cried. I know a ton of prayers have been said on Porters behalf. Maybe a few more wouldn't hurt? Caleb had to go to CA on business this morning and it has been a long day and is looking like a long night. Porter was doing great until about an hour ago when his fever started creeping back up. Hopefully the ib profen will keep it down. I'm scared. I'm pretending to be strong because it wont help if I fall apart while Caleb is gone. So please say a prayer for our little man.

Porter,
It's mom. Do you know I love it when you call me "mom"?. It cracks me up. I love you. I'm sorry you are in pain. I'm sorry its a waiting game. I'm sorry you don't want food or drinks and I keep shoving them in your face. I can't lose you. I love you. The first time I thought I could lose you I hadn't even met you yet. You were in my belly and I had the swine flu. You fought that off. Fight this off. Don't let the scary facts of high fevers happen to you. I'll trade you places in less than a heartbeat if I could. I promise. If you get better I will buy you yet another ball. And I will let you tear off all the toilet paper with out saying a word because I know it makes you so happy and proud. Get better ok? Ok.
I love you,
Mom