Tuesday, January 10, 2012
A Poem to sum up last night...
"Oh God, I was so cross to the children today. Forgive me. I was discouraged and tired- and took it out on them. Forgive my bad temper, my impatience and most of all, my yelling. I am so ashamed as I think of it. I want to kneel down by each of their beds, wake them and ask them to forgive me. But I can't. They wouldn't understand. I must go on living with the memory of this awful day, my unjust tirades. Hours later, I can still see the fear in their eyes as they scurried around trying to appease me, thinking my anger and maiacal raving was their fault. Oh God, the pathetic helplessness of children! Their innocence before the awful monster- the enraged adult. And how forgiving they are, hugging me so fervently at bedtime, kissing me goodnight. All I can do is straighten a cover, touch a small head burrowed in a pillow and hope with all my heart that they will forgive me. Lord, in failing these little ones in whom you have put in my keeping, I am failing you. Please let your infinite patience and goodness replenish me tomorrow." - Marjorie Holmes. That was me last night. The "enraged adult". I was mad and he hurt me and I lost it. And the hubs was there and his look of disgust just affirmed my failure. I yelled. At my baby. And then felt like complete and utter failure. And then came home and found this poem my mother in her wisdom and knowledge sent to me when I first had pman. I put it aside, because I was certain I wouldn't ever need it. Oh how I need it. In a world of perfect parenting blogs and never talk about losing it friendships I so needed this. And to say I'm sorry. I am so sorry. But this poem gives me hope, maybe just maybe I'm not alone...
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7 comments:
You are not alone my friend. Yelling is a constant struggle I work on. I hate it about myself but have been trying so hard for a long time to change. I know that look you get from the hubs and the sickening feeling in your stomach. Don't be too hard on yourself :-) everyone has moments where we are not at our best.
I always have to work on my yelling and tone especially now that Owen is older. Its hard because we hang out with all these moms that never seem to raise their voice and seem to have much more patience then me. No ones perfect and no one talks about the hard days. That's why I love you.
You are not alone in this! I struggle with yelling all the time. :( It really is a dreadful feeling. You are still a good mama!!
Everyone loses it in some way now and then, but not everyone stops to think about how to improve themselves. Porter is a lucky boy.
my father yelled a lot when I was growing up. And I love him a lot. I realize that he is human, and pman will too! :)
I am not sure how my friend found this site ; but I had a very bad moring with my son who has A.D.D. and I just broke down. After he left for school I felt like such a bad parent a failure. He is the last of my five boys ranging 28-9. Otherwize he is very spoiled hence he is my last baby home lol but that morning was such a bad one, I dropped him off at school feeling so bad I posted a comment on Facebook to my friends telling them how bad I felt. Only to find out the situation we had that morning was one that other parents experience too. Still not making me feel good , but at least to know I was not alone. I have never said I was perfect but only do the best with what I have and try to be the best parent I can.
Anyway this poem that is on your blog all of a sudden came to my head. I had seen it on a family members refridgerator years ago so I made a copy of it. Well many years had passed and moved I lost it so therefore lost it in my head other then bits and pieces. Well I put a few request out on facebook and after a month of searching a friend found it.
I am so thankful this sums it all up when I had that bad day.
Thank you for having this up and Thank you to my friend who knew about this site!
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