'Till we meet again Kenneth "Pa"

Last night my Pa passed away in his sleep. He has not been doing well for awhile now and I was fortunate enough to be able to see him last week. I love my Pa. We have a very special bond and in his biography he wrote "I have always felt we have had a very special relationship. It's like we share a secret." I knew this day was coming. I was able to say goodbye. And yet my heart feels broken. I will miss you Pa. I hope you will be watching over me and Porter. I will miss the Kenneth to my Porter Kenneth. I look forward to when we will be together again and share more secrets.

Party -Part One

These are some of my favorite pictures from Porter's birthday party. He was so cute and fun. Don't worry all you party peeps your pictures are coming next!

Tomorrow...Your only a day away

I land at 11:52 pm tonight. We will drive to my sisters to sleep. Wake up at 5, take my pre-race shower. Eat something. Probably a piece of bread. Say a massive prayer. Drive to SLC and run 13.1 miles. Or crawl. It's been an exhausting week. A good one. But I'm bone tired and my emotions are on over drive. Somehow, someway I am going to have to pull it together and run my little heart out. Only I hope heart doesn't give out. Wish me luck....

Oh Joy the Birthday BOY!

Sunday April 3rd Porter turned ONE! He is a big boy now. We had his party on Saturday and were so grateful for the beautiful weather. It snowed on Sunday, just like it did the day he was born. I am so excited for my ONE year old. I'm also so excited that nursing is over and my body is fully mine now! If my nursing bra wasn't so amazing I would burn it as a sign of liberation. I have so many adorable pictures to post. Just not now. I hope to get to them today... but it might not happen. Porter and I are flying to LAX tonight (late) to go see my Grandpa who isn't doing well. It will be a bittersweet trip but it's my spring break so really the best time for me to go. Don't worry I will be back Friday (midnight) in time to run my half marathon on Sat! Oh dear...

A joke is a joke...and this one was on you.

We did not actually buy that "house" under ground. It was an April's Fools joke. I love holiday's. All of them. Especially this one. I thought you would know I would NEVER buy that. I thought you would know I have little desire to buy a house in UTAH. I thought you would know that I would talk to you before we considered buying a house. The "you" in here is mainly my mom. BUT lets not forget all of you that called, emailed, texted me about my new house. I had a lot of fun that day. I would call it a successful April Fools day.

We did it!!!

People having being asking us why we don't buy a house if we are going to be staying here for awhile. And we started thinking about how much money we would save and how fun it would be to have a real place of our own. So we started looking, and working with a realtor, and when we had enough to make an offer we did. I was terrified. BUT we got it!!! It has been a trying and brain racking time for sure. I never knew buying a house could be so complicated. But I am so proud of us and our new little home! We can't wait to fix it up! Who wants to come visit????

Remember, Remember

Porter will be ONE on Sunday. There are some things I want to REMEMBER:

*All of my pregnancy tests came out negative. I was so disappointed. I have to have blood work done to know. Remember that for the next time.
*Pregnancy is HARD-I threw up a LOT, I passed out at work, I threw up a LOT, I got SWINE FLU, I was in the hospital, I threw up a LOT and then had a beautiful baby boy
*The first time we heard your heartbeat was like music to my ears. We both cried.
*The first time I felt you move was during a Harry Potter movie at the dollar theater. I thought my heart would burst.
*You never liked for me to lye on my side. You would push until I moved
*I thought that if I tapped my belly to the beat of a song you would come out with rhythm. Porter's got some serious moves. Must have worked.
*I was terrified of giving birth. I should have been terrified of the recovery.
*The moment the nurse told me you weren't doing so well during the 2nd non-stress test my heart stopped
*Every time the nurses came in and checked on us and then left to call the doctor my heart stopped.
*When they told me they would have to use a vacuum to get you out (after over 2 HOURS of actively pushing) I was terrified. When they told me Porter would be out in ten minutes I was thrilled.
*The Dr. told me to look at you as you came out. I did. It was so strange.
*The second I knew you were ok my heart leaped. Then I felt like super-woman
*The first time I held you in my arms I knew I would do whatever it took to take care of you.
*Breastfeeding is HARD.
*The first time you fussed (at around 3 weeks) I called my mom and asked her what to do and to please come back.
*The first time you smiled I knew I would do whatever it took to see that for the rest of my life
*Recovery is hard. At least for me.
*The first time you roller over I cried. I was at work. And missed it.
*The first time you sat up I cried. I was there and so proud.
*The first time you crawled it was to get my hair. We screamed and laughed and maybe cried.
*The first time you clapped I was so proud.
*Leaving you to go to work with someone other than family is HARD. Every time.
*Every time you meet a developmental milestone my heart is full of gratitude (remember I work with kids that are way behind)
*The first time you got sick I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. The fact that it was my fault made me feel sick to my stomach. I am STILL so sorry.
*The fact that you love bath time and water makes me so proud.
*The way you laugh and giggle is honestly the cutest thing in the world.
*We can hardly carry on a conversation that doesn't revolve around you and how cute you are. And we like that.
*I thank Heavenly Father everyday for you.
*You love to play with balls. Daddy is so proud.
*I never thought having a boy could be this fun. I hope I have another one next.
*You are so cuddly. I taught you how to kiss and hug and every single one of those is to die for.
*This has been a hard year.
*This has been a trying year.
*This has been a growing year.
*This has been the most miraculous year of my life.
*I can't believe you will be ONE. I can't believe that I get to be your Mommy. I love you Porter.